Dr A R Bernard says we shouldn't get crystallised. Thrill is gone and you're simply going through the motion. Your heart becomes hardened. You left your first love - the place of revelation. You didn't lose it. Always pursuing a fresh revelation to prevent crystallisation.
I have no more confidence in my intellectual ability, investment philosophy, talents, time management, presentation skills... I acknowledge that indeed these are wonderful things that I have been able to exercise and blessed to have, but what I mean is that I no longer think I can achieve great and lasting success purely based on these attributes. The most important thing I need is the approval of God which would bring peace from enemies, open doors that would otherwise be shut and peace/joy which the world doesn't know of. I don't mean that I do not have confidence in what I am stating or making the correct decision. What I mean is that even with the above attributes, unless I am living by God's grace, wisdom and favour, I cannot be the head and not the tail, above and not beneath on a consistent basis. Sometimes during the past 3 years, when I think about the results that have been achieved, I feel quite scared because repeating it isn't based on a fixed formula but each time, it takes a lot of faith beyond these attributes.
Adapted from Xin Hong's blog
It takes faith and trust to believe in what you cannot do with your own strength, but to constantly depend on God's strength, which will bring you further to where you cannot imagine. It does not mean that one is weak. We are all living by God's grace and His grace is sufficient for us. Ultimately I don't wish to repeat my mistake of studying hard as though I really know what's happening and break down. The paper is on the following day, but here I am, pondering if a better solution is to get an MC to cover my absence instead. The new semester is almost starting. But yesterday at work, the struggle is still burdening me. When faced with obstacles, I have the same thoughts of 'Am I in the right line?' I need a breakthrough. I want to build my prayers upon the solid rock.
No longer I but Your will be done.
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